Business & Computer Humor

Changing lawyers is like moving from one deck chair to another on the Titanic!!

16 Ways to Recognize a Company Car and Why You should consider Buying a Used One!
(if you drive a company car, tell me the following ain't true!)

1.  They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2.  They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3.  They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4.  They can take bumps at twice the speed on private cars.
5.  Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to
    be checked nearly so often.
6.  They have a much tighter turning radius.
7.  The floor is shaped like an ashtray.
8.  They only burn the cheapest gas available.
9.  They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning
    light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow
    concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried.
13. They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the
    car is still in forward motion.
14. The tire side walls are designed for bumping into and over
    curbs.  
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by
    the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is need. They may be left anywhere, unlocked,
    with the keys in the ignition.

Another auto humor site: The Lighter Side of Motoring

The Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars: *

1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it's that way NOW!
6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable,5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about the new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).
10. Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting radios in all its models.

* Thanks to Jokes for Computers - Link

Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.

ť If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them. Ť

16 Ways to Recognize a Company Car and Why You should consider Buying a Used One!
(if you drive a company car, tell me the following ain't true!)

Job Interview Quotations
A side note - the humorous thing is that people have read the following and couldn't understand these weren't anything but normal responses or statements.

Actual Job Interviewee Statements or Actions

ť If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them. Ť

16 Ways to Recognize a Company Car and Why You should consider Buying a Used One! (if you drive a company car, tell me the following ain't true!)

Job Interview Quotations A side note - the humorous thing is that people have read the following and couldn't understand these weren't anything but normal responses or statements.

Actual Job Interviewee Statements or Actions

16 Ways to Recognize a Company Car and Why You should consider Buying a Used One!
(if you drive a company car, tell me the following ain't true!)

Job Interview Quotations
A side note - the humorous thing is that people have read the following and couldn't understand these weren't anything but normal responses or statements.